Weekly Newsletter - 27th November 2023
Happy Monday Tribies.
This weekend I found myself eating bread, having a white coffee before my fast ended and eating biscuits with my cup of tea. All actions I used to take on a daily basis but had changed since my last start.
It was interesting to gain the awareness and try my best not to judge myself.
Sometimes those behaviours that we haven't seen in many many months all of a sudden reappear.
And even though it's not behaviour that I want to be doing, there nothing wrong with me.
There's obviously been a change in my mindset that had me reintroduce those behaviours.
I even had awareness as I was making the toast:
"why am I making myself toast?"
"I haven't done this in forever"
"this will likely have my weight go up... who cares".
Something I also was aware of was my thoughts about 'fixing' it.
"I'll have to tighten up Monday and have an extra good week" (this was an expectation that I'll have a perfect week on plan.
So interesting because my week from Monday to Friday wasn't what caused weight gain.
It was my weekend.
So why does my brain tell me to improve my week instead of exploring my weekend and looking for opportunities to improve the weekend behaviour.
I know this and I coach many of you on it often, but my brain still had the natural first reaction of looking to have a 'great week' instead of improving the moments that caused the gain.
I really want to highlight that I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I don't feel like I've failed and I don't think it's a lost cause. I'm ready to step back on plan and keep moving forward.
I want to highlight 2 very different outcomes I might have, depending on what I choose to think from here:
1) "It's the holiday season, I may as well relax, enjoy myself and get started again in the new year".
This is something my brain would LOVE me to choose. ha ha. It would feel SO good in the moment and through the holiday season. I'd indulge, enjoy all the food and drink I could possible think to enjoy and get to the new year ready for a restart.
I would likely be at least 5kg heavier come January 1st. I'd feel low in energy and be very disappointed in myself. I'd feel uncomfortable in my clothes through the holiday season and be self conscious too.
I might avoid doing certain activities due to tiredness or embarrassment.
2) "That was interesting. I really don't like the way I feel today, I really want to feel good so I'll set myself a plan and do the practice (mindset and emotional).
This decision today may have me maintain my weight through the holiday season, or lose weight. Either way I'd feel comfortable in my clothes, proud of where I'm at entering the new year, grateful I made the decision to keep going and would still enjoy some exceptions through the holiday season. I might experience moments of discomfort when I'm practicing but I know it's worth the discomfort in these moments rather than the discomfort in my clothes and myself entering the new year.
I find it really helpful to look forward and map out what the different paths look like (I think I'll do this on one of the calls this week).
I've self coached and chosen to step forward.
Some thoughts that are really serving me:
When I think about missing out on the food or drink I think of how long I'll have the enjoyment of that food or drink (usually 5 minutes), and what I'm really missing out on when I indulge in the food or drink is the awesome feeling I get when I follow my plan. The energy, pride, great feeling of health when I stick to my plan.
"Imagine Jan 6th me, she's feeling fantastic, easily and comfortably wearing the clothes she loves and standing tall"
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On Friday I filled in for Amanda on Group Coaching Call #3 and I coached Karen on "Waking up at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep". This call was a great example of coaching and how helpful/powerful it can be in changing your mindset.
Catch the replay here: https://www.fastmamatribe.com/products/call-replays/categories/2151520095/posts/2173109986
Feelings Focus:
This week we're diving deeper into the feeling of 'shame'.
The purpose of this weekly feeling focus is to build our vocabulary for emotions, build awareness and confidence in feeling our feelings.
This weeks feeling was requested by a Tribie. If you'd like to request a feelings focus send me an email.
I use Brene Brown's 'Atlas of the Heart' book along with resources mentioned each week.
Shame:
Brene's 1-2-3s on Shame are:
1. We all have it. Shame is universal and one of the most primitive emotions that we experience. the only people who don't experience it are those who lack the capacity for empathy and human connection.
2. We're all afraid to talk about it. Sometimes we can feel shame when we just say the word "shame". But it's getting easier as more people are talking about it.
3. The less we talk about it, the more control it has over us. Shame hates being spoken.
When we hear the word "shame", our first thought is either 'I have no idea what that means and I don't want to know, or I know exactly what that is and I don't want to talk about it'. We can also make up that shame is something that happens to other people, not us.
Connection, along with love and belonging is why we are here, and it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Shame is the fear of disconnection - it's the fear that something we've done or failed to do, an ideal that we've not lived up to, or a goal that we've not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection. "I'm unlovable", "I don't belong".
The definition of shame that emerged from Brene's research: Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.
Shame thrives on secrecy, silence and judgement.
The antidote to shame is empathy. If we reach out and share our shame experience with someone who responds with empathy, shame dissipates.
Shame needs you to believe that you are alone. Empathy is a holistic environment for shame.
Self-compassion also helps us move through shame, but we need empathy as well for an important reason: Shame is a social emotion. Shame happens between people and it heals between people. Even if I feel it alone, shame is the way I see myself through someone else's eyes. Self-compassion is often the first step to healing shame - we need to be kind to ourselves before we can share our stories with someone else.
Gosh that's impactful. I think next week I'll dig a bit deeper into self compassion. Explore it further.
My take aways for shame is to talk about it. Tell someone. This really helps me to understand the profound shift if some of the women I've coached who have shared something with me that they've never shared with another person. The sharing and the empathy create a powerful outcome.
What are your takeaways around shame? Do you have anything to add?
Big love and hugs to you all.
Let's have an awesome week.
Love
Lindell xo
As you know our group coaching in the Fast Mama Program is unlimited.
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There's NEVER a time when you've taken up too much space or reached a limit for coaching on these calls.
We recognise though, that Group Coaching isn’t for everyone and sometimes you might require more privacy or space to work through a personal challenge.
I have been doing Private Coaching for the past 2 years but it’s only been for those who reach out to me asking for private help.
I want to share with you how to get Private Coaching with me as I know there are more women who want that extra support.
Why would you want to get private coaching?
Reset or Refocus: sometimes we hit obstacles that are blocking our progress and growth. Working with the tools in the Fast Mama Program helps but sometimes you just need private time and space to dial in, focus and address your specific needs.
You Time: Private time dedicated just to you, a time where we prioritise and work on what's important to you and your goals and help you overcome what's getting in your way of achieving them.
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Make yourself proud: You might feel in a rut not making any progress and you’re ready to step up and make yourself proud. Private coaching can help you set bigger goals that you are willing to strive for and can help keep you focused on getting there.
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