Lindell's 30 Day's Of Practice - Day 21/30

Well, I am full of very big feelings today. 

We're putting up our Christmas tree and for as long as I can remember I dreamt of a big Christmas tree in my house with a yard, with my family. 
The dream of a house with a yard was achieved earlier this year and every single day I'm so grateful and full of pride for my husband and I. 
This week we got the house to a point where we are ahead (rooms and space wise) of our last place. With the new offices we now have the same amount of space as our last place, with a yard now too. 
Then the tree. My Dad wanted to downsize his tree and we (I) wanted a bigger one so we agreed to swap.
We've had 2 trees in the past, both were second hand trees from my old friend who passed away 2 years ago. 
So the swap meant my dad is getting the tree he wants with the wonderful past owner of my friend (who was a very close friend of my dads too) and (this is where all the big emotions come from) I get the big tree I've always dreamt of, AND it was my mums. I decorated this tree with her the very last Christmas we shared. Gosh it's beautiful and I don't think I'll ever change it. I'm so full of love, sadness and joy all at once. I shared with my husband and 6 year old all of my thoughts about the tree and I could see the love they had for the moment and sharing it with me. 
Boy oh boy, great big feelings there. 

I noticed throughout the morning that I kept pausing and recognising how I was feeling. And I kept thinking about my hunger level. Not once did I have a need or desire to eat my feelings. I just felt them, soaked them up and allowed them to be there. 

My husband had an Aloo Paratha for breakfast and I love them. It smelt delicious. I asked him if I could smell it (as he ate it ha ha) and I gave it a big sniff, enjoyed the smell and didn't even feel like eating some. I think so often we LOVE the smell and don't even need the taste. 

My weight is up 600g. So good. The only thing I'd change from last night is eating less. I should have had dessert on my plan so I'd put that on next time. I think the rule "I can have whatever I want as long as I stick to a +5 on the hunger scale" is the perfect rule for me on nights out and events. 

Plan for today: 
2 coffees, 2 teas, 1 beer. 
Protein and salad for lunch. (probably sausages and salad)
Protein and salad for dinner. (probably salmon and salad).
And mango and yoghurt with coconut flakes (the mangoes are finally beautifully ripe). 
Plus a chocolate. 

That's it. Got a big list to do today working in the yard with my husband. 
I'm so grateful and full of love today.  

Lunch was 1 sausage and salad. No chips like the rest and no ice cream.
A beer after our yard work was finished.
Ready for dinner. I'm not even hungry. 

I had some big feelings when the kids messed up pretty much the whole house. I was so disappointed. 
Worked through my feelings after yelling and lecturing them all (including my niece and nephew) on respecting property. Then I got in the car to drive my eldest to a birthday party and the car was empty of fuel. I was so mad. Managed to calm myself down then shared my frustrations with hubby.  No one was right or wrong, we just shared our circumstance, thoughts and feelings. 

Going to clean the house now and get ready to decorate the tree when my eldest gets home from the party. 
It'll be 7pm by the time they get back. 
Dinners going to have to be smoked salmon and salad. The other salmon is in the freezer and I really couldn't be bothered to defrost it and cook it. 

Night finished and I have had 1 extra beer (2 in total) and 3 extra squares of chocolate. Dinner was yoghurt, mango, nuts and coconut. No one was super hungry and that was easier than salmon and salad. 

I was practicing feeling all the emotions today. Then my husband went to bed early and my brain freaked out that I was up, alone by myself. I'm not often by myself without responsibility and also with the knowledge that my family are all home safe in their beds. It's a relief and freedom I have rarely. 
So I stayed up later than I wanted to, I was tired and I just kept staying up watching trash and scrolling on my phone. In the past this would have included eating way more chocolate than I did so that's a win.