Get out of a funk with me

Friends, I'm in a funk. 
And I thought I'd attempt to share where I'm at, how I'm feeling and how I get through it. 

Let's see how this goes. 

So, where am I? How am I feeling?

I was sick for the past week and I'm still not feeling well. I've been coughing so much and had a lot of asthma. My body is tired. On top of that I did a 20km walk on Sunday in heat then had a few beers and chips and ice cream.
So my body is tired, I'm sleep tired too and my brain is urging me to be productive.
I've got a big long list of things I need to get done and an even longer list of what I want to get done. 

I feel flat and very unmotivated. 

Last night I made banana bread for the kids lunchboxes and I ended up eating more pieces than I wanted. This made me feel even more tired today. 

Plus my weight is up (because of all the food I've been eating and the long walk I did). 

AWARENESS:

What happened? 
I've been sick, ate off plan, drank more beer than I wanted too, have been eating to a +6 and beyond. 
Walked 20km. Keep coughing and have a tired body from it. 
Weight has increased a little bit. I've got lot's of feelings going on.

CURIOSITY:
What are my current thoughts: 
I'm tired. I'm SO tired. 
I need to rest but I need to get stuff done because I've been resting for ages. 
I'm a failure
I'm not going to achieve my goal by my birthday. 
I don't want that to affect my birthday, I won't let it but also I'm sad I won't get to my goal. 
I've let myself down.
What's wrong with me. 
I just want to wallow, it feels good to wallow. 
I need to suck it up and get back into the zone. 
I haven't even printed off my 30 day planner and done the prep work yet.
No wonder I'm not showing up, it's my own fault, I don't even have a planner.

I'm feeling:
Tired, flat, meh, disappointed, avoidance, less than (not sure exactly what that feeling is so I'll stick with less than), fake positivity like a band aid.

ACCEPTANCE:
Why am I thinking these things and feeling this way? How does it make sense that this is what I'm thinking and feeling? 
I do have high expectations of myself and I haven't met them. I've practiced living with high expectations for many many years. 
I've got a belief that I should be perfect and use the Fast Mama tools perfectly to be the example but that's actually not ever going to be reality and it's never going to be achievable for myself or Tribies.
Although I've made a massive amount of progress in showing myself kindness and compassion, there's always going to be room for improvement and growth and this is part of that. I am where I am, my brain did what my brain did. 
I haven't spent time/invested time in mindset work like this for a while. It's like not going to the gym for a bit then going and expecting a PB on the weight lifting. 

How can I accept myself in this moment? How can I hold space for myself? 
I will sit and breathe and allow myself to feel all the feelings I'm experiencing. (I actually feel like the funk is lifting as I work through this here now). 
I'm here today where I am, and I've travelled the road I have travelled. There's no point beating myself up for the road I've just travelled. Only opportunity in looking at the road ahead I want to travel. 

NEXT SMALL STEP: 
I must admit I'm tempted to jump a large step but I'll restrain and take a small step. 
I'm temped to try achieve my birthday goal but that's not a good long term approach. 
So my next small step is picking up pen and paper and writing down todays plan. 
Thoughts that will help me:
I'm here today ready to take a small step forward. 
There's nothing wrong with me, my brain had thoughts that created those recent actions. That's it. 
I'm grateful for the rest I gave myself. 
I feel calm and that's ok. I don't have to feel 'motivated'. Calm is how I'll step forward today. 
I'm ready for a small step. Let's do this. 

Ok, so I feel a weight has lifted and I'm ready to print out my planner and start working through it. 
I just noticed the thought "far out, I've got so much to do to get ready and back on track" but I'm going to practice "I'll print it out and just start working through it. All I need is my plan today". 

Feeling calm and supported by myself. 

Notice I didn't try to get all the way to 'I'm amazing, I feel amazing, this is exactly how I want to live my life" because that feels exhausting and impossible right now. I'm just focused on the next helpful step forward. Bit by bit. 

Let me know if you have any questions. I'll come back and update this this afternoon and tomorrow. See what the future holds (or rather, what I create for myself in the coming hours).

________________________

I've printed my planner and filled out the prep pages. It wasn't much effort at all once I was in the right frame of mind. No pressure to do it perfectly, just got it done as best as I can which was great. 

Plan set for today, stomach rumbling so I'll go have my first meal. 

Go me!